You Live, You Die,

• If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
• Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
• My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
• Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

• It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
• If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
• Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
• Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

• No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
• A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
• Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
• Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
• Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

• There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
• By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
• Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
• Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
• Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.